Written by Cato Jun

Edited by Rodlyn-Mae Banting

Meet the Fat Clown:
His mouth had a crooked tooth that jetted out when he smiled.
His fingers were like fat rolls of coins.
His body was three servings of sausages in one sausage casing.

Meet the Robot:
She was pressured by her parents
to get perfect grades,
to master every art,
to be a robot.

The Fat Clown wanted to see the Robot smile.
The Fat Clown wanted to hear the Robot laugh.
The Fat Clown wanted to make the Robot happy.

He had black sunglasses,
where he pretended to be PSY.
The song “Gangnam Style” was never outdated for him
as long as she smiled.
He had a long blonde wig,
where he pretended to be a model.
The character “Miss Universe” was his go-to schtick
that was guaranteed to make her laugh.
He had a bright pink recorder,
where he played “Hot Cross Buns.”
The rendition “Hot Dumplings” was his cheer
all in his efforts to make her happy.

However, there were bullies at school
who watched from afar,
who shook their heads in dismay,
who thought the efforts were in vain.
Why try to make a human out of the Robot?

The bullies started slow.
They crushed his sunglasses,
advising him that he should be funny for once.
They ripped his wig apart,
saying to find a new way to act gay.
They snapped his recorder in half,
telling him he should stuff his mouth with more dumplings instead.

The Fat Clown knew they should not get to him.
He knew he should tell someone,
but he was humiliated.
How can he tell anyone
that he was being ridiculed
for the very thing that made him…him?
He was the joker,
the comedian,
…that clown.
He was bigger,
…but fat.
Soon enough, the shame built up.
He was now That Fat Clown.

That Fat Clown stopped being himself:
no longer PSY, the model, or the entertainer.
But that also meant he no longer
saw her smile,
heard her laugh,
made her happy.
He thought the Robot would not miss him
as she now saw him
as nothing but That Fat Clown.

It was a beautiful afternoon near a river.
That Fat Clown stood on the edge of a bridge over the water.
He took a breath.
He closed his eyes.
That Fat Clown jumped.

Little did he really know
that I would miss him.
Thanks to him,
I was able to smile,
to laugh,
to be happy.
I am no longer the Robot.
To him, I was anything but the Robot,
just like how, to me, he was anything but That Fat Clown.

Vivi Hashiguchi
Instagram: @vivi_hash

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